The Remodel Plan

First of all, this is not a cosmetic remodel. This is a complete demolition, down to the studs, and build it back up situation.

The first step is moving back in with mom & pop. Just the contemplation of this change makes me overwhelmed with emotion. Living at home, towards the end, was not always a really enjoyable situation. The other part of it is the utter shame that I feel by having to move back in with my parents. It seems like such a sign of failure. How can I have graduated with a degree and not make enough to even pay rent? So that's the emotional side of it. On the other hand, it is an amazing opportunity to really strip things down, get rid of all of this economic baggage, and try to rebuild things right. I also am really hopeful that I can be a help to them around the house and farm.

The second part of the remodel is weight loss surgery. This I am going to address in more detail in another post.. there is so much to say. So much. I started this endeavor by attending an informational meeting in July. After much work to try and make myself "eligible" in the eyes of the insurance companies, I finally have an appointment set with the surgeon for October 17th. Big part of this is that I have to maintain the weight I am right now until that day. After all the time I have spent putting off these changes, this feels like a really excruciating couple of weeks. I am the biggest I have ever been, the most uncomfortable I have ever been, and probably very close to being the least confident I have ever been. As soon as the surgeon appointment happens, it's all game on. It's like having all of the supplies and labor sitting there, but waiting to get the permit approved before you can begin. It feels rather miserable and frustrating.

The third part, regarding my professional life, is the start of grad school classes... tomorrow. Six credits of Public Administration classes at PSU. My body has an overwhelming sense of "Yikes" coursing through it's veins.

The fourth part in some ways feels the smallest because it is the least stressful, but it is by far the most important. I feel completely confident that the absolute only way I am going to make it through this with any degree of success is by being completely dependent on God for my strength. I have tried each of these on their own without being reliant on God and it has ended in relative failure, leading to my current situation. I keep wondering, if I coudln't do one at a time.. how can I do all of this at the same time? I can't. But God can. My only confidence is that God has placed me in this spot, and in all His wisdom He knows that I can do it. With Him.